finalization!

The day is finally here. Our "adoption process" is over.

Its crazy to think back on all that we've been through in the past two and a half years while we were bringing Haneul home. Our family experienced significant life changes while "in process". There was joy, happiness, new memories, and new opportunities. But there was also immense pain, anxiety, exhaustion in waiting, and frustration. Through it all our saving grace was we could hear God's voice clearly. Looking back on it now, I can see His plan for our life unfolding perfectly.

As is said often in parenting, the days are long, but the years are short.

While seeing family in Korea we stopped at an adoption office and I gazed into the rows of little babies longing to be held.  I remember begging to start the adoption process soon after Beniah was born, but waited patiently until Dave felt the timing was right. From the homestudy to fingerprints to biometrics appointments, I waded through the paperwork that seemed to never end! Once we got her first set of pictures I memorized every detail of her face and felt a love grow inside of me I never had imagined. Beniah asked time and again when his sister was coming home and it broke my heart to tell him that I didn't know. I longed for our travel call for over a year, but knowing I had to wait on the Lord's timing kept me from going crazy.

Those days were definitely long, but she has been home for almost a full year it has flown by! After our trip to the lake this summer I think we've accomplished all our "firsts" with Haneul. Here's to building many more memories in the years to come!

We were blessed to have friends show up to witness the court hearing. Since it was held on Monday morning the timing did not allow for many people to come. We know you were with us in spirit!

Looking through Haneul's photo books

While waiting our turn Beniah created this masterpiece

Haneul looking through her photobooks. She pointed out her foster family and all of us.

We shared our finalization day with a couple that attended the U of A with us. How fun to see them and share in their celebration!

The courtroom

The hearing was simple-it went over the facts of our names, her name change, and that Haneul would from this day forward seen in the same light as our natural born child. It was to the point, but still brought nearly everyone in the room to tears to hear!

Our social worker attesting to ability to raise Haneul.

During the hearing our social worker asked Beniah if he'd like to tell the Judge anything. We had talked about "going to court" at dinner the night before and tried to explain in 4 year old terms what that meant. Beniah was prepared with a statement and told the Judge, "I want Haneul to be in my family forever and ever." He smiled and responded, "Thank you, I will definitely take that into consideration."

Our judge was fantastic and truly excited!

U of A IV Alum

 We followed the hearing with a lunch celebration and our cousins stopped by for some fun!

stuff people say to transracial families...really.

While we found ourselves chuckling at this video, we thankfully haven't experienced a lot of this..yet. In general, I am very comfortable answering our friend's questions about our adoption. Obviously, it is very different talking with people we know and trust versus a random bystander at the grocery store. I know this will morph as Haneul grows older and we will need reevaluate what we share. It is after all, her story. I found this blog post, written by one of the cast members of this video on asking questions, and wanted to share along with this video. Overall great lesson-focus on the family instead of the child.

stuck

our new normal

Since I've been back at work a lot of my regular customers have asked me how the adjustment is going and how the kids are doing. While the day to day can be very tiring, I look back and realize that we've come a long way. I had prepared myself for a difficult transition. I had read the blogs, the books, and was planning on night terrors, rejection, and difficultly connecting. And honestly its hard for me to share that she has done really well. She did reject me at first, but she now calls me mama and is especially cheerful when she greets me at the door when I pick her up. Bedtime can still be challenging, but she finds comfort in her bedtime routine.

I feel a sort of guilt that we didn't have a difficult transition. I marvel at how it seems she has accepted us as her parents. I know it is all by the grace of God (not that God's grace is only in positive things) that we have melded together as a family so quickly.

Our new normal is being a busy family of four. We have two, active, fun loving kids who love each other fiercely. Haneul still adores Beniah, desiring to be in his world. Beniah still craves alone time, especially alone time with mom or dad. Sometimes they drive each other crazy-but don't all siblings? It's beautiful really. (Remind me of that next time I look stressed because they are fighting!!)

help make adoption affordable

I don't typically push political issues on others but this I believe goes beyond politics. I hope you are in support of keeping systems in place to take care of children who are born into non-ideal situations. A great way for you, my pro-children friends, to walk the walk is by supporting adoption. We have a government that is not perfect but has done a great thing by offering adoption assistance to family's who welcome non-biological children into their family, this assistance is at risk of being eliminated if nothing is done. Please contact you Senators and Congressmen/women in support of HR 4373 and S 3616 and sign the petition below.

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/support-hr-4373-and-s-3616-help-make-adoption-affordable-keep-tax-credit-and-make-it-refundable/GknZZR2H

Thanks!

...and one more (stories to melt your heart).

The LePeau's in Colorado

stories to melt your heart

Our agency, Holt International, is gearing up for National Adoption Month (which runs through November) and sent out links to their blog. As always, I was touched as I read stories of new waiting children, kids recently brought home, and recollections from adult adoptees.

As I read about a brother and sister in East Africa who are looking for a family to love them my heart melted. Jared, older brother to Gabby, has looked after his little sister since their mother passed away shortly after she was born. She is now 7 and he is 16. I gazed at their pictures, of course asked myself, "Is this something that God has for us?" (this question comes to my mind A LOT) Then I began thinking about their lives. Here is this child, who at 9 years old cared for his younger sister. nine. My heart was wrought thinking about how he had to grow up so quickly. They are just waiting for a family. I wonder what emotions ran through their hearts and heads as the person on the other side of the that lens said, "Ok, we are going to take some pictures to help find you a family. Smile."

...

Here is a story from an adult adoptee who explains why she has chosen to forgive her birth family. I love reading adult adoptee's thoughts as I hope they will guide me as I help Haneul walk through the many questions that she will ask as she grows up. While she explains how her adoption has made her question a lot of things, she says that she now honors her birth mother's choice to give her up. I loved this part the most, "My adopted parents are my parents, not my “adopted” parents. I have two mothers—one who gave me life and the other who let me live it." 

That quote brought to my mind the fact that Haneul was relinquished from her birth mother shortly after her birth. As we celebrated her second birthday I can't help but think about her birth mother in Korea. Somewhere I imagine her thinking about her decision and I wish that I could tell her that her sweet, joyful girl is safe and well loved.

day one

Like I mentioned before Haneul was quite smitten from the start with her oppa, Beniah. After our meeting with the foster parents Haneul did great leaving with us and she didn't cry at all. She didn't even seem nervous, she was more observant. So we pack into the car and start to drive. Here are some snippets from our first moments as a family of four.

on our way with gifts in hand

our gifts for the foster family and social worker

the new Holt building

first brother and sister shot, note the huge pororo that she brought with her

first mother-daughter shot in the car

she studied him

and found him pretty funny

Here is a video of them playing in the car. I have to admit, watching it now it doesn't seem all that amazing. But in the moment we were watching our two kids play together for the first time ever. She had been so quiet and unresponsive up until she started breaking smiles at Beniah. We were pretty thrilled.

p.s. how the family got her hair into those adorable braids still amazes me..I can barely keep her still for pigtails!!

To protect the privacy of the foster family we cannot show their pictures on our blog. We have a video of when we all met Haneul for the first time and I'm still figuring out how I can show that to you. Once I figure something out I would love to share it with you.

one week ago today

Tonight I rocked my daughter in my arms as she fell asleep. I carried her to bed and lay with her and she calmly settled in for the night.

One week ago today we took custody of Haneul. Its been quite a whirlwind since. The meeting with the foster parents was emotional and overwhelming. It was very obvious that they loved her and cared for her as their own. We shared tears and the foster family stayed back while Beniah and I played with her. They really were wonderful and kept pointing to both Dave and me and labeling us "uppa" and "omma". She cheerfully came into the elevator with us and began playing with Beniah. I picked up her so the foster mom could give her one last hug and we left.

On the way home she studied Beniah and copied whatever he did. She loves her "oppa" and I'm so glad we decided to bring him along. She played and played that first day and crashed next to Beniah in bed (way early according to her normal bedtime, but she hadn't taken a nap all day either!). A couple hours later she woke up and cried for "omma". It was clear she didn't want me and my heart broke for her.

I had mentally prepared myself for her rejecting me. But how do you really prepare your heart for that? For a couple days she called me "unni", which means older sister. I know she wanted her foster mom and would look for her when we put her down at night. I didn't push her too much, but I would whisper to her in korean, "your mom is right here" when she cried for her. I know her heart hurt as she would often wail louder in response to me. I was torn as to how to best help her grieve.

We said good-bye to Dave and Beniah on Wed (after they were unable to travel on Tuesday due to the typhoon that canceled nearly 200 flights) and have had a couple days to ourselves. She no longer calls me unni. She sometimes calls me omma. But she let me hold her tonight and rock her to sleep. As I looked down at her tears streamed down my face and I delighted in her calmness. Our daughter is here.

blessed.

after receiving our travel call on tuesday life has been a whirlwind. we have been running around checking things off our to-do list and making arrangements for while we are gone. i *think* we are ready-we just need to finish packing. and just in time we were able to gather with family and friends to celebrate haneul's homecoming. here are some snapshots from the party.

 and we were able to grab some pictures as people headed out

this morning we felt the blessings of the Lord poured out on us. i am not one who likes to hold the spotlight. but gathering together with friends and family who love us was a great way to celebrate her travel call. i am humbled when i think of all the thoughts and prayers that have been said on our behalf.

we are blessed to have her actually coming home soon and doubly blessed to have so many people around us who love and support us. thank you.

dear lepeau family:

Dear LePeau Family:

"We have just received word that your child is ready for travel.  As soon as you have confirmed your travel plans, please inform your social worker and" blah blah blah WE GET TO GO GET OUR DAUGHTER! 

after recieving the call on tuesday morning beniah and i rushed to dave's school to break the news. i tried to get beniah to tell him..but dave figured it out since we had the camera with us. maybe the korea shirt gave it away too? doesn't matter..we get to travel!

to do list

dave asked me if we were ready for haneul to come home. i looked at him like he was crazy thinking, "OF COURSE! I'VE BEEN READY SINCE WE RECEIVED HER REFERRAL!!".... but he meant more of the logistical side of things. so, here's my to do list:

-freeze meals 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
-hang her clothes
-move changing table into her room
-get a carrier
-mommy date for beniah
-daddy date for beniah
-big bed for beniah?
-pack (ah!)
-get beniah his bday gift :) (shh, don't tell, its a tool set)
-buy gifts for foster family
-buy gifts for social worker
-make copies of passports
-finish haneul's scrapbook

falling into place

when we asked you to join us in prayer that a paper would be signed by friday it honestly almost felt like i was setting us up for failure. it had already taken a long time for this paper to make it to the courthouse and to ask that it be signed in 2 weeks time even though the judge had a 6 week backlog? was i asking too much? apparently not.

there are hardly words to express how amazing i felt on wednesday. i recieved a phone call from our social worker and she was on her way to pick up this letter to send into immigration. now that the court has approved our additions to our homestudy i don't forsee any hiccups to occur between now and our travel call! but, i won't hold my breathe.

thank you for joining our family on this journey. we will keep you updated!!

ep approved!

in a record two weeks time our ep was approved.

i had been praying that hanul's ep would be submitted by july 9th. (this would mean we would still make it up to the lake for our family vacation, but that she would be coming home shortly after. plus, it would put me on maternity leave during dave's fall volleyball season-the busiest season in our household. not much of a planner am i?) instead, i was so very humbled when her ep was submitted on june 20th and even more astonished that it was approved on july 7th!!!! (it was expected to take 4-5 weeks)

so where does that leave us? well, the ep is what we needed to get the ball rolling in korea to bring her home. so if everything falls into place she will be home within the next 3 months. three months.

so thats if everything falls into place. we still have some paperwork to complete on the u.s. side with immigration. we are waiting on a letter from the court of arizona approving our homestudy addition (joey moving in, then moving out). we have been waiting on this letter for awhile now-and it finally reached the courthouse 2 weeks ago.

will you join me in prayer?

pray that this letter is signed by friday. i would be devastated if her coming home was held up because of this. pray also for her heart. thinking through her leaving her foster family breaks my heart. its all shes ever known. she feels apart of their family. and we are about to break that bond. she will be two in october. while on vacation i was with my nephew who just turned two and i couldn't help but watch him and think of her. i know the transition is going to be hard. i just want it to be as easy as possible for her.

EP submited & visa physical

these two little letters have drove me crazy since last october. EP means emmigration permit. and hanul has finally been submitted for hers!

last october we were told there would be no more ep submissions for the year. i called multiple people and sobbed with them over the news. i was heartbroken. i had truly thought hanul would be home for christmas. so when the korean ministry started taking submissions in january of 2012 i thought "well, maybe we'll get it." and we didn't. we weren't in the march or may submission either. by this point i was feeling pretty discouraged and had you asked me when hanul was coming home my most common response was "i have no idea. i've given up guessing."

it became a in roadblock in my life. the year of 2012 has dragged on, but flown by at the same time. each time there was a submission i would wait in expectation, prayfully asking for patience. and each time i recieved the final email "another round of eps were submitted today. families have already notified" and my heart would sink. funny enough, the same thing happened this time around.

i got home yesterday and was trying to put my tired boy to sleep. i walked in and on the computer i had left another adoptive's families blog open. i saw their title "bummed" and my heart skipped a beat. they were not submitted. beniah called to me from his room and i thought "well, i could check my email, but let's be honest-its probably not there." so i choose to live in the moment and went to comfort b. i returned to the computer only after convincing myself that i was wasting my time. i looked and in my email and sure enough there was the email "the june eps were submitted today. families have already been notified." i sat for a little bit. truly bummed because the rumor was june was going to be the only submission during the summertime. so i went back to my inbox to see what other not exciting things lay waiting for me. and there it was. "ep submitted today, june 20th!" i raced through the email, grabbed beniah (who had not fallen asleep, by the way) and began jumping up and down. i said, "beniah, hanul is coming home!" and he giggled and said "mama you are funny!" we ran right away to the gym where dave was coaching a camp and broke the news.

then today i received news that her visa physical is scheduled. another step in the process! included in this email was q & a travel information. TRAVEL INFORMATION.

we still have some paperwork stateside that needs to be worked out. its nearly driving me crazy. and i am trying to prayfully wait and trust that everything will fall into place.

i've been trying to memorize more scripture. i'll leave you with two that i have been repeating time and again these past couple months.

trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
proverbs 3.5-6

moses answered the people, "do not be afraid! you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today...the Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
exodus 14.13

confessions of a broken heart

mother's day this year was bittersweet. i was so thankful to spend the day as a family and dave made sure we did whatever my heart desired. last year i asked dave to help our kids make me pages in a scrapbook that i wanted to keep over the years. i had this idea from a magazine and thought it was perfect-because being me i would want to keep every card they made, plus i love scrapbooks! i actually walked in on dave helping beniah this year (i came home on my lunch break and surprised them!), but didn't take a peak because i really did want it to be special. so while dave was getting breakfast ready (strawberry crepes, yum!) beniah hands me my book and climbs into my lap. we open to the first page and i show him the page he (dave) made last year and how big his hand has grown since then! we giggled and beniah turned the page. this year's page had pictures of both beniah and hanul with "happy mother's day 2012! love, b & h". i immediately teared up. i wasn't expecting to see her in my book quite yet.

i tell everyone who asks that i have two kids. i tell them about beniah and my daughter hanul. i explain that she is not quite home yet. but i really do love her and see her as my daughter. but i realized something. i've been guarding my heart the past month or so. there are definitely days that dave just looks at me and knows that i'm thinking of her and i can't help but cry out that i miss her. i started collecting items for a care package to send her a couple months ago and still have not sent it off. bad adoptive mother..i know. i'm sorted through clothes we've received, but i keep tucking them in the back of our closet. i want her home so badly that its very hard to confront the fact that she isn't here. but i know this is not fair-for her or me. she is still my daughter and i love her no matter where she is.

i never thought we would have celebrated mother's day without her here. when we had her referral the latest we thought we would travel would be february. whenever i look at the calendar i still can't believe its may. i'm almost in denial about it. i need to recalibrate my mind. hanul's homecoming will not be when is convenient for our family or when our agency thinks it will be. it will be exactly when God has intended it to be all along.

bumps along the road

our journey has been longer than we anticipated when we began. when we sent in our application in november the timeline from application to bringing your child home was 9-24 months. now the wait times are extended to include 6-12 months in between completed homestudy and referral and then an additional 12 months before you travel. and while i knew from the beginning that the only guarantee in adoption is that you will wait, each passing day is still hard.

today our little girl is 18 months old.

when we were matched with her back in july she was 9 months old. i had always thought she would be home by the time she was 18 months. don't ask why, just one of those silly things you think you know about your adoption (that you have no control over).

we've made progress, but received a letter requesting more information to process our i600.
just when i thought we were moving forward we hit a bump.

each day i try to rest in His promises as i gaze at her picture. soon my love, soon.

finally!

last week i received an update to our homestudy. when jojo, our manny, moved in we had to add him on our homestudy and then i got a promotion so we had to update that as well. i've been waiting for this update for quite awhile and now that i have it i can move forward with the qualification on our side (by our side, i mean the u.s. side). so the day after i got the package in the mail i was compiling documents and printing our forms to send into u.s. immigration. 

after a 20 minute freak out session where i thought i had lost our i600 approval letter (which determines us capable to provide care for an orphan, love that language) which we had recieved back in oct. i finally found it, in the bundle of documents i had prepped to send in to uscis once i got my updated homestudy. *whew* then i got together our mailings and was so excited i had to take a picture. ;)

is he as excited as i was? don't think so. he actually tried to eat the package..don't ask me why!

hopefully we'll have everything done on the u.s. side once korea is ready to move-don't want to miss our chance!

movement

last week was a much anticipated week in the world of korean adoption. after much delay and confusion, ep's have finally started to be submitted. looking around at blogs of other adoptive families my heart smiles as they share their family's news of taking the next step in the process. so exciting.

i also spotted a customer in line this morning holding parenting your internationally adopted child. as i made his white mocha i blurted out, "micheal, i have to ask, are you adopting?" his face spread into a smile as he told me they were leaving this afternoon to travel to ethiopia. we chatted a little about how long the wait has been and about his little girl. he showed me beautiful pictures. and i was just overwhelmed with joy for him and his wife who have been waiting three whole years.

the past couple months have been somewhat crushing because as people would ask me, "when is she coming home?" i had no answer to give them. i just had to explain that i really had no idea and that we were just waiting.

a month ago beniah was talking about sharing his bathroom with joey and i mentioned to him that he would also be sharing it with hanul when he came home. he responded, "she won't come home for a long, long time. she is far away." hearing those words out of his mouth was heartbreaking. he used to tell me she was coming home soon, sometimes it was even tomorrow. and while i obviously knew that wasn't true hearing the hope in his answers was light. this response was like darkness. but now there is a  light at the end of the tunnel.

the uncertainty of adoption causes you to constantly hold fast to the promises of the lord. and i will continue to wait-i know we have some time. we have been waiting (since referral) for six months and families who were submitted first have been waiting upwards of a year. just knowing there is movement is good enough for my heart for the time being. and my delight comes from seeing others welcoming home their sweet gifts from the lord.  

package of love 2

we put together another care package to send to h and her foster family. we picked up one of those recordable books because we thought it would be cool for h to hear our voices. i thought it may be possible for beniah to memorize one page, but instead we had him say the last phrase on each page, while alternating who was reading the page. it was a little more time consuming having him read with us, but i think it was well worth the effort.

take one

take two

one day b was carrying around the bear, which i had warned him was for h. so i asked him about it.

vitamins, via, & candy for the family and a couple books for h. the bear was a gift for her from a family friend and the monkey hat was from her aunt tyler. its a little on the small side so we thought we should send it instead of waiting till she got home. its finally at the post office, waiting to be flown around the world. (don't ask how long i've had it put together..)