A Weekend Among Men: Commissioning my Son

I didn't want my son to get hurt, but I wanted every guy there to pucker up a little bit. Inspired by the land diving harvest ritual of the Vanuatu islanders, young men could travel up to 45 miles per hour jumping head first off a crude wooden structure they built up to 100 feet high. Naturally only a few volunteers were brave enough to scale the tower and tie vines around the platform and then to their ankles before making the plunge. 

Many cultures still practice rights of passage for boys into manhood, these practices are often set to show courage, endurance and the ability to control one’s emotions.  I wanted this for Beniah and his 13th birthday was the right time to mark his journey into manhood. I want him to start testing and stretching himself, to know that I trust him and that he can always trust me. Ultimately however, the purpose of this weekend tucked off the edge of the Mogollon Rim was to present the idea of manhood. A manhood that is not passive and not abusive but strong, loving and selfless. To accomplish this Beniah would be surrounded by men who would model and speak that balance into his life. 

My hope for Beniah has always been that he will not shy away from challenges, that he would be encouraged to take risks as opportunities arise and that he would follow God’s call on his life, that he would not be lured by the temptations of this world but by the calling of the Spirit. 

This is how Beniah got his name. The Benaiah from the old testament was a great warrior known for heroic exploits (2 Samuel 23:20-23), specifically in taking risks to do what is right. Benaiah also happened to be the head of David’s bodyguard. On one occasion Benaiah went down into a pit on a snowy day to kill a lion. Now, it doesn’t say why Benaiah did this but I imagine it had something to do with his job of protecting others.

Although there are not many Mountain Lions in the Apache-Sitgreaves National Forest, he would end up experiencing physical, mental and emotional feats. If we did end up facing a lion however, it would be Beniah's job to protect us, but he wouldn't do it empty handed. Therefore we formally started the weekend with a gift, a Benchmade 533 Mini Bugout customized by Brad Southard with spin free washers, an orange G10 handle and 2 Samuel 23:20 engraved on the blade. This is a knife Beniah has obsessed over for years.

The weekend would be full of many manly activities: poker, running, board games, hiking, kayaking on the lake, Braveheart (Beniah's first R rated movie), a foosball tournament (which goes without say as to who won...it was me and Beniah. Beniah and I won), drinking beer and bourbon (I even had a little too). One of the unexpected highlights was when a pack of wild horses wondered through the property.

With all the fun, I feel if any of the men on this trip were asked, they would point to the intentional time speaking words of truth into Beniah's life and praying for him as the thing to be remembered. Around the fire Saturday night each man took a minute to encourage and charge my son into the journey of manhood, then boil those words down into one or two and write that word on his chest to take down the mountain with him. Although I would love to share all the uplifting words that were spoken, I would not do them justice from memory. What I do remember and so does Beniah, is each word inscribed on his chest.

Responsibility

Community

Be True

Show Up

Wisdom

Joy

Creative

Selflessness

Then Sunday night, laying our hands by the fire and praying, surrounded by his uncles, mentors and grandfather was  beautiful. My father has not left my mothers side in months due to the cancer, but mom insisted that he be on this mountain with us. I thank God she was stable enough for him to even consider making the trip and I am continually astonished by her selflessness. 

To close, I shared some parting words of wisdom adapted from Rules for my Unborn Son (included below) and an image to illustrate that each and every one of these guys had Beniah's back in any situation. And if he ever got himself in a tough spot he did not feel he could tell mom and dad about, well then, his phone call needed to go to Uncle Phil or Uncle Steve. So I announced he would be doing a trust fall, off the edge of the deck. It wasn't quite land diving but it was the response I was looking for.  

Rules for my Unborn Son

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.

2. Don’t enter a pool by the stairs.

3. The man at the BBQ Grill is the closest thing to a king.

4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.

5. Request the late check-out.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.

8. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.

9. Play with passion or not at all…

10. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look them in the eye.

11. Don’t let a wishbone grow where your backbone should be.

12. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.

13. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.

14. You marry the girl, you marry her family.

15. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath.

16. Experience the wonder of traveling abroad and engaging with other cultures.

17. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.

18. Never turn down a breath mint.

19. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.

20. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.

21. Thank a veteran. Then make it up to him.

22. Eat lunch with the new kid.

23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.

24. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win.

25. Manners maketh the man.

26. Give credit. Take the blame.

27. Stand up to Bullies. Protect those bullied.

28. Write down your dreams...then go for them.

29. Always protect your siblings (and teammates).

30. Be confident and humble at the same time.

31. Call and visit your parents often. They miss you.

32. Focus on the eternal. 

adventures in arizona: mt. lemmon hike

Gosh, it's been way too long since I took some photos of the kids. Our laptop died right before Thanksgiving, and along with it lots of my photos. I know, I know, I need to organize and back them up somewhere-actually I think I do have them backed up somewhere...I just don't know where that is, does that count? 

So anyway, when it came to putting together our Christmas card, the only recent family picture I had was from our Thanksgiving trip to Denver. Thanksgiving is during November, as you all know, and this year Dave decided to do Movember. I told him it was his choice, though I refused to kiss him most days during the month and counted down till December 1st. I see the point..I just hate kissing a porcupine. 

I won't repost that photo here...I had to use it as my Christmas card photo people. But, I did find these snapshots from a hike we took together on Mt. Lemmon  in January..or was it February this winter.

adventures in arizona: tucson botanical gardens & butterfly magic

In February we took short morning trip to the Tucson Botanical Garden to check out Butterfly Magic. The botanical gardens has been on my list of things to do for awhile, so when our friend Becky asked if we'd like to join them I jumped at the chance. It was a very chilly day, but the butterflies had it made in their warm greenhouse made complete with ponds and beautiful tropical flowers.

It took the kids a while to find to butterflies as they flew about, but once they spotted them they had fun looking at them with magnifying glasses.

A volunteer points out a butterfly to the kids.

This butterfly landed on Becky and couldn't quite let go of her sweater! A volunteer had to come assist  it!

"Show me your magnifying glasses"

I think we'll take a trip back to the gardens during the spring. The butterfly magic part was fun, but the rest of the gardens was essentially all winterized. I imagine its very beautiful when everything is in bloom. April is the last month of Butterfly Magic so I'd head over to check out the beautiful butterflies!

adventures in arizona: winterhaven

Every winter we gather together with Dave's brother's family to walk through Winterhaven. This neighborhood has decked out their houses with lights, music, and the like for 63 years! Its one of the longest running festivals of its kind and Arizona winter weather is perfect for taking a tour through the neighborhood. It was started by CB Richards who donated lights and pine trees to be planted along the roads in 1949. Since then Winterhaven has held its festival every year except for one year during the 1970s energy crisis when the residents voted to stay dark.

We plan for it every year, but I was pretty excited as we drove over realizing this was Haneul's first time going! The cousins had a blast running around with each other and we bumped into several of Dave's current and former student athletes. I'm still coming to terms with accepting Tucson as our home, but things like Winterhaven help bring me to that reality. It tells me that Christmas time is near and coming together with friends and family alike is a heart warming Tucson tradition.

"Nephew Eric"

Corbin

Haneul

Beniah

All the kids took turns pulling the wagon...sometimes full of kids and possibly filled with Uncle Dave.

Lots of bystanders particularly liked the free ride that Uncle Dave received.

Haneul loves her cousins and insists on doing everything they do-including pulling everyone in the wagon.

We came on the Friday before Christmas and it was a popular night. There were a number of live musical performances and even a live reading of "The Christmas Carol". This particular house was also giving out hot cocoa.

Love the hand holding :)

I found this list of dispelled myths on Winterhaven's website.

Myth: Residents receive a credit from Tucson Electric Company to help cover their electrical costs during the Festival
Tucson Electric Power pays for all the electricity during the Festival
Fact: Winterhaven residents absorb any cost increases in their electric bill during the Festival.

Myth: The deed restrictions for the neighborhood require that  residents decorate for the Festival.
Fact: Decorating and participating in the Festival of Lights is all voluntary.  Most residents particpate because they love the Festival and see it as their gift to the community

Myth: Winterahaven makes money from the haywagon vendors during the Festival.
Fact: The money made by the Haywagon vendors helps to pay for the police, barricades and other items for the festival. If there is money left over a donation is made to Community Food Bank.  No money goes into the pockets of Winterhaven residents or the neighborhood association.

Myth: The Festival of Lights is a Christmas celebration
Fact: The Festival of Lights is a celebration for everyone, regardless of religious affiliation. Light is a common theme among many of the major religions of the world.  Winterhaven's Festival of Light is a gift to all.

adventures in arizona: pumpkin patch at apple annies

Yes, I know its November. Forgive the late post. 

After having such a great time at Apple Annie's picking apples we decided to head back with Papa (my dad) to select some pumpkins. After I told him about our apple picking adventure he checked out the produce they offer and has been back several times. I also wanted to check out the produce they had to offer so we met there one Saturday morning.

the beautiful sunflowers

Papa with the kids

found one!

its a keeper

a gorgeous pumpkin bloom

here's one!

helping Papa with the cart

Papa loved their peppers

Whenever I tell him to smile he cocks his head...and sometimes glares up at me.  Let's hope its a phase..

Sweet ending-honey stick!

It was such a beautiful day and we enjoyed our pumpkin bread and corn we brought home. We also had roasted corn while there and that was super delicious. Thanks Arizona for another great adventure.