A Weekend Among Men: Commissioning my Son

I didn't want my son to get hurt, but I wanted every guy there to pucker up a little bit. Inspired by the land diving harvest ritual of the Vanuatu islanders, young men could travel up to 45 miles per hour jumping head first off a crude wooden structure they built up to 100 feet high. Naturally only a few volunteers were brave enough to scale the tower and tie vines around the platform and then to their ankles before making the plunge. 

Many cultures still practice rights of passage for boys into manhood, these practices are often set to show courage, endurance and the ability to control one’s emotions.  I wanted this for Beniah and his 13th birthday was the right time to mark his journey into manhood. I want him to start testing and stretching himself, to know that I trust him and that he can always trust me. Ultimately however, the purpose of this weekend tucked off the edge of the Mogollon Rim was to present the idea of manhood. A manhood that is not passive and not abusive but strong, loving and selfless. To accomplish this Beniah would be surrounded by men who would model and speak that balance into his life. 

My hope for Beniah has always been that he will not shy away from challenges, that he would be encouraged to take risks as opportunities arise and that he would follow God’s call on his life, that he would not be lured by the temptations of this world but by the calling of the Spirit. 

This is how Beniah got his name. The Benaiah from the old testament was a great warrior known for heroic exploits (2 Samuel 23:20-23), specifically in taking risks to do what is right. Benaiah also happened to be the head of David’s bodyguard. On one occasion Benaiah went down into a pit on a snowy day to kill a lion. Now, it doesn’t say why Benaiah did this but I imagine it had something to do with his job of protecting others.

Although there are not many Mountain Lions in the Apache-Sitgreaves National Forest, he would end up experiencing physical, mental and emotional feats. If we did end up facing a lion however, it would be Beniah's job to protect us, but he wouldn't do it empty handed. Therefore we formally started the weekend with a gift, a Benchmade 533 Mini Bugout customized by Brad Southard with spin free washers, an orange G10 handle and 2 Samuel 23:20 engraved on the blade. This is a knife Beniah has obsessed over for years.

The weekend would be full of many manly activities: poker, running, board games, hiking, kayaking on the lake, Braveheart (Beniah's first R rated movie), a foosball tournament (which goes without say as to who won...it was me and Beniah. Beniah and I won), drinking beer and bourbon (I even had a little too). One of the unexpected highlights was when a pack of wild horses wondered through the property.

With all the fun, I feel if any of the men on this trip were asked, they would point to the intentional time speaking words of truth into Beniah's life and praying for him as the thing to be remembered. Around the fire Saturday night each man took a minute to encourage and charge my son into the journey of manhood, then boil those words down into one or two and write that word on his chest to take down the mountain with him. Although I would love to share all the uplifting words that were spoken, I would not do them justice from memory. What I do remember and so does Beniah, is each word inscribed on his chest.

Responsibility

Community

Be True

Show Up

Wisdom

Joy

Creative

Selflessness

Then Sunday night, laying our hands by the fire and praying, surrounded by his uncles, mentors and grandfather was  beautiful. My father has not left my mothers side in months due to the cancer, but mom insisted that he be on this mountain with us. I thank God she was stable enough for him to even consider making the trip and I am continually astonished by her selflessness. 

To close, I shared some parting words of wisdom adapted from Rules for my Unborn Son (included below) and an image to illustrate that each and every one of these guys had Beniah's back in any situation. And if he ever got himself in a tough spot he did not feel he could tell mom and dad about, well then, his phone call needed to go to Uncle Phil or Uncle Steve. So I announced he would be doing a trust fall, off the edge of the deck. It wasn't quite land diving but it was the response I was looking for.  

Rules for my Unborn Son

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.

2. Don’t enter a pool by the stairs.

3. The man at the BBQ Grill is the closest thing to a king.

4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.

5. Request the late check-out.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.

8. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.

9. Play with passion or not at all…

10. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look them in the eye.

11. Don’t let a wishbone grow where your backbone should be.

12. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.

13. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.

14. You marry the girl, you marry her family.

15. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath.

16. Experience the wonder of traveling abroad and engaging with other cultures.

17. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.

18. Never turn down a breath mint.

19. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.

20. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.

21. Thank a veteran. Then make it up to him.

22. Eat lunch with the new kid.

23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.

24. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win.

25. Manners maketh the man.

26. Give credit. Take the blame.

27. Stand up to Bullies. Protect those bullied.

28. Write down your dreams...then go for them.

29. Always protect your siblings (and teammates).

30. Be confident and humble at the same time.

31. Call and visit your parents often. They miss you.

32. Focus on the eternal.