One week ago today we took custody of Haneul. Its been quite a whirlwind since. The meeting with the foster parents was emotional and overwhelming. It was very obvious that they loved her and cared for her as their own. We shared tears and the foster family stayed back while Beniah and I played with her. They really were wonderful and kept pointing to both Dave and me and labeling us "uppa" and "omma". She cheerfully came into the elevator with us and began playing with Beniah. I picked up her so the foster mom could give her one last hug and we left.
On the way home she studied Beniah and copied whatever he did. She loves her "oppa" and I'm so glad we decided to bring him along. She played and played that first day and crashed next to Beniah in bed (way early according to her normal bedtime, but she hadn't taken a nap all day either!). A couple hours later she woke up and cried for "omma". It was clear she didn't want me and my heart broke for her.
I had mentally prepared myself for her rejecting me. But how do you really prepare your heart for that? For a couple days she called me "unni", which means older sister. I know she wanted her foster mom and would look for her when we put her down at night. I didn't push her too much, but I would whisper to her in korean, "your mom is right here" when she cried for her. I know her heart hurt as she would often wail louder in response to me. I was torn as to how to best help her grieve.
We said good-bye to Dave and Beniah on Wed (after they were unable to travel on Tuesday due to the typhoon that canceled nearly 200 flights) and have had a couple days to ourselves. She no longer calls me unni. She sometimes calls me omma. But she let me hold her tonight and rock her to sleep. As I looked down at her tears streamed down my face and I delighted in her calmness. Our daughter is here.
