A Weekend Among Men: Commissioning my Son

I didn't want my son to get hurt, but I wanted every guy there to pucker up a little bit. Inspired by the land diving harvest ritual of the Vanuatu islanders, young men could travel up to 45 miles per hour jumping head first off a crude wooden structure they built up to 100 feet high. Naturally only a few volunteers were brave enough to scale the tower and tie vines around the platform and then to their ankles before making the plunge. 

Many cultures still practice rights of passage for boys into manhood, these practices are often set to show courage, endurance and the ability to control one’s emotions.  I wanted this for Beniah and his 13th birthday was the right time to mark his journey into manhood. I want him to start testing and stretching himself, to know that I trust him and that he can always trust me. Ultimately however, the purpose of this weekend tucked off the edge of the Mogollon Rim was to present the idea of manhood. A manhood that is not passive and not abusive but strong, loving and selfless. To accomplish this Beniah would be surrounded by men who would model and speak that balance into his life. 

My hope for Beniah has always been that he will not shy away from challenges, that he would be encouraged to take risks as opportunities arise and that he would follow God’s call on his life, that he would not be lured by the temptations of this world but by the calling of the Spirit. 

This is how Beniah got his name. The Benaiah from the old testament was a great warrior known for heroic exploits (2 Samuel 23:20-23), specifically in taking risks to do what is right. Benaiah also happened to be the head of David’s bodyguard. On one occasion Benaiah went down into a pit on a snowy day to kill a lion. Now, it doesn’t say why Benaiah did this but I imagine it had something to do with his job of protecting others.

Although there are not many Mountain Lions in the Apache-Sitgreaves National Forest, he would end up experiencing physical, mental and emotional feats. If we did end up facing a lion however, it would be Beniah's job to protect us, but he wouldn't do it empty handed. Therefore we formally started the weekend with a gift, a Benchmade 533 Mini Bugout customized by Brad Southard with spin free washers, an orange G10 handle and 2 Samuel 23:20 engraved on the blade. This is a knife Beniah has obsessed over for years.

The weekend would be full of many manly activities: poker, running, board games, hiking, kayaking on the lake, Braveheart (Beniah's first R rated movie), a foosball tournament (which goes without say as to who won...it was me and Beniah. Beniah and I won), drinking beer and bourbon (I even had a little too). One of the unexpected highlights was when a pack of wild horses wondered through the property.

With all the fun, I feel if any of the men on this trip were asked, they would point to the intentional time speaking words of truth into Beniah's life and praying for him as the thing to be remembered. Around the fire Saturday night each man took a minute to encourage and charge my son into the journey of manhood, then boil those words down into one or two and write that word on his chest to take down the mountain with him. Although I would love to share all the uplifting words that were spoken, I would not do them justice from memory. What I do remember and so does Beniah, is each word inscribed on his chest.

Responsibility

Community

Be True

Show Up

Wisdom

Joy

Creative

Selflessness

Then Sunday night, laying our hands by the fire and praying, surrounded by his uncles, mentors and grandfather was  beautiful. My father has not left my mothers side in months due to the cancer, but mom insisted that he be on this mountain with us. I thank God she was stable enough for him to even consider making the trip and I am continually astonished by her selflessness. 

To close, I shared some parting words of wisdom adapted from Rules for my Unborn Son (included below) and an image to illustrate that each and every one of these guys had Beniah's back in any situation. And if he ever got himself in a tough spot he did not feel he could tell mom and dad about, well then, his phone call needed to go to Uncle Phil or Uncle Steve. So I announced he would be doing a trust fall, off the edge of the deck. It wasn't quite land diving but it was the response I was looking for.  

Rules for my Unborn Son

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.

2. Don’t enter a pool by the stairs.

3. The man at the BBQ Grill is the closest thing to a king.

4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.

5. Request the late check-out.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.

8. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.

9. Play with passion or not at all…

10. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look them in the eye.

11. Don’t let a wishbone grow where your backbone should be.

12. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.

13. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.

14. You marry the girl, you marry her family.

15. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath.

16. Experience the wonder of traveling abroad and engaging with other cultures.

17. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.

18. Never turn down a breath mint.

19. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.

20. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.

21. Thank a veteran. Then make it up to him.

22. Eat lunch with the new kid.

23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.

24. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win.

25. Manners maketh the man.

26. Give credit. Take the blame.

27. Stand up to Bullies. Protect those bullied.

28. Write down your dreams...then go for them.

29. Always protect your siblings (and teammates).

30. Be confident and humble at the same time.

31. Call and visit your parents often. They miss you.

32. Focus on the eternal. 

Navigating the Northwest #LeftCoastLePeau

Picking up almost three years exactly after our last blog post. The trip that never happened. For our #tenyeartrip, Christe and I had planned on taking the kids all the way up the Oregon coast to Olympic National Park and hit Portland and Seattle on the way. Due to some career changes we cut that trip short. This is where we pick up our story, we spent ten years planning that trip, we wanted to finish it and finally got our chance.

It had been six years since seeing Halmeoni aka Julie/Grandma/Christe's mom, who flew out from Korea for Papa's funeral and we finally got her to come back. There would be much kimchi! Paul lives in Salem so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to finish our trip.

Scenery

We huffed it to San Francisco in an overnight haul to stay with Aunt Jamie and got to do the one thing I really wanted to do on our last trip and didn't...experience the Golden Gate Bridge. The kids were introduced to "Karl", the San Fran fog but there was just enough sunlight to contrast with those low hanging clouds to make quite a scene.

Santa Rosa/Napa Valley was the furthest north we got three years ago, so the Redwood Forest was a must. Two miles of dirt road off the 101 to hit the trail head was just great, it was completely covered with giant trees as the sun beams peaked through. The hike was even better. Christe, in her happy place, stretched her arms out wide and spun around like Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music.

It's hard to believe we experienced the Redwoods and the Oregon Coast in the same day but sun never seems to set this far north so we rolled up the 101. When it comes to scenery, Whaleshead Beach was the nicest surprise, a breathtaking, secluded beach, just for us. We thought it was just a scenic overlook but the kids discovered an overgrown path with a steep drop in elevation, leading us to an empty beach. The kids squealed, ran and yelled, "the sand is so soft"! We soaked it all in as the waves crashed...and we stressed a little about how wet and sandy Haneul would be for the last leg of our drive.

Day 3 brought us to Yaquina Head Outstanding Natural Area and it was indeed outstanding. Beniah's 4th grade National Park Pass was good for one more month and we finally put it to use!  We got to see this place from all angles, the top initially, then the beach and the boat when we returned to Newport. The lighthouse is iconic, the green, contrasting the green-to-blue ocean, contrasting yellow flowers. Sandy beaches, steep cliffs. Wowza.

After a night in a yurt at Grayland Beach State Park that Uncle Paul booked for use, Christe planned an epic Olympic National Park adventure. From the rainforest to lunch on the beach to the icy blue waters of Crescent Lake to the wonders of Hurricane Ridge. This day packed it all in.

Yes, we were in Portland during the naked bike ride. No, that is not the scenery I'm going to write about. Instead, the most visited scenic area in Oregon, Multnomah Falls. Avoiding the disastrous parking lot, Christe opted for a ten minutes shuttle, which was a great call. All 620 feet of Multnomah makes it the tallest falls in the country and we hiked to the top! And it was awesome.

Portland is known as The City of Roses and although this name predates the International Rose Test Garden, the park best exemplifies the well earned nickname. Proposed in 1915 to save rose species from imminent demise during World War I, the idea took hold and grew to over 550 species and 10,000 bushes.

Finally, Crater Lake. Despite Beniah feeling sick, this was an appropriate exclamation point on this stunning trip.

Fun

San Francisco is always fun because we get to see old friends. The kids enjoyed creating art projects at Aunt Jamie's studio and we caught up with Rosanna and Zane over dinner as well.

Checking into our hotel in Coos Bay was an appropriate first Oregon experience as our attendant was super high. Some brief research didn't show much to the town but we did hit their boardwalk prior to heading to the dunes, and it was, for lack of a better word. Cute.

The adventure surprise of the trip for me was without a doubt renting a Polaris 800 RZR and exploring the Oregon Dunes at 55mph. This experience made Christe very anxious and Haneul cry...but it was totally worth it.

If it was ATV's for me, it was tide pools at Yaquina Head for Haneul. Sea slugs, star fish, anemones of all kinds that hug your fingers and little crabbies!

Beniah claims his favorite was Whalehead and Grayland State Park where he got to sleep in a Yurt and fish in the ocean! He hauled in a little Surf Perch right off the beach.

We got up close and personal with some larger Red Rock and Dungeness crabs in Newport. Prior to our Sea Life boat tour a nice old man let Beniah catch a Dungeness Crab with a fishing pole right off the dock. On the cruise we snatched some with a collapsible crab pot, saw some sea lions and had a brief porpoise encounter. Beniah even drove the boat.

 

Powell City of Books met the hype, stories full of rooms, full of shelves, full of books, full of stories. We are a family of book lovers and taking a mid-day break from our urban hike before we hit the Saturday Market was a nice reprieve.

Moving to the east side of the Willamette River, we hit a classic theater CineMagic to watch Toy Story 4, which was cool...because it sold beer...which every theater should do...if you think about it.

Did we go two hours out of our way to hit some Class III rapids on the Santiam as opposed to the measly Class I and II's on the Clakamas near Portland? Yes. Was it worth it? Yes. This was the most fun for the whole family. No one cried...not even dad.

I expected Portland to be dirty because it's full of hipsters, but I had in my mind that Seattle would be clean. It's not. They have a place called "The Gum Wall" and it's exactly what it sounds like. We even came across a nasty troll living under a bridge. Despite my misconceptions, we enjoyed walking downtown. Visiting Pike Place Market was a must considering Christe worked at Starbucks for nine years. The highlight for the family from Seattle was visiting the MOHI (Museum of History and Industry), The Center for Wooden Boats and Gasworks Park for the 4th of July festival. We even got to tour the last operational steamer from the Puget Sound Mosquito Fleet.

On our way home we spent a morning in our hotel watching the US Women's Soccer team win their 4th World Cup! You can't tell that we are watching the game in this picture, but I just think my kids are so stinkin' cute.

Food

If all a vacation entailed was food and drink, Christe and I would be 100% satisfied. San Francisco is amazing because it doesn't matter what corner you turn, there is amazing food. We hit a classic, Franciscan Crab Restaurant, which was the kids food highlight of the trip and the more trendy Stonemill Matcha. Do people really eat like this? We did. Once.

Every little town along the Oregon coast had a drive-up espresso shack, a chowder house and a place for fish n chips...we enjoyed them all. Uncle Paul set us up for camping and we ate well there too!

In Portland, Julie and Christe ensured we had an abundance of homemade Korean food.

With so many options in Portland, it just wasn't possible to eat everywhere we wanted...but we tried. We had beignets at NoLa, Italian at Bar Mingo. My personal favorites was a toss-up between Cartopia, a food truck "pod" where everyone picked their own lunch and Screen Door where we enjoyed some refined southern specialties finished off with a lemon and blueberry pound cake layered with cream cheese frosting and a flight of bourbons.

In Seattle, soup dumplings at Din Tai Fung and ice cream at Salt and Straw were the clear choice.

From our trip three years ago, two places set themselves apart enough that we went out of our way to return. Stone Brewing for dad and Quarters Korean BBQ in LA. Anything to put mama in her happy place.

Beer

When it comes to Dad's happy place, I feel compelled to record my beer experience...even if no one cares but me. Christe is beyond good me, letting me indulge with one of my few loves. Our first brewery stop was Ft. George and let me tell you both the town and the brewery were a serious delight. The brewery ended up being one of, if not my favorite from the trip. Astoria is just the neatest little town on the banks of the Columbia River. The huge shipping barges travel under the Astoria-Megler Bridge to the mouth of the Pacific. Home of The Goonies, Astoria only sports 10,000 people but its downtown rivals downtown Tucson.

                    

On the way back from Olympic National, it was Pelican Brewing near Cannon Beach, which was forgettable. 

Despite the crabby hostess and the understaffed cafe, Rouge lived up to the hype, forcing its patrons to navigate a hike through fermenting tanks and aging barrels up to an incredible view overhanging the marina on Yaquina Bay.

There were a handful of breweries within a couple miles of where we were staying in Portland. For all the accepting, free-loving nature of the northwest, there are many breweries that are more animal friendly than kid friendly. I may have left Haneul chilling on the sidewalk for a minute outside so I could run in an grab a bottle of Gigantic's Most Premium Bourbon Barrel Aged Russian Imperial Stout (mouthful). And I also slipped away to Ruse Brewing while Christe and Julie made spring rolls.

It's no surprise that Portland is into hazy beers (which were everywhere) as it fits the climate, but their infatuation with tropical beer was a little off-putting, coconut and other tropical flavors everywhere. I blame Modern Times. The award for most family friendly in Portland was Base Camp, they provided each of the kids with an extra roasted marshmallow that also served as a garnish for my Imperial S'mores Stout. We didn't make it to Bend, so I snuck away while the rest of the family was at Powell's for Deschutes Black Butte Porter XXI, their anniversary ale.

Santiam Brewing was a fitting end to white water rafting the Santiam River. In Seattle, Two Beers Brewing was on my radar because it was started by a Christian and the proceeds go back to his church. The beer wasn't bad either, but Fremont Brewing was "Seattle's Best". 

All in all, Ft. George, Rouge and Base Camp were the caramelized onions on my brat, while Deschute would have made the cut I'm sure if we went to Bend. With all the beer drank over this two week stretch, Stone still has my heart and the Asian Carp kept the kids attention. Sipping on a Double Bastard, I asked Christe if we could renew our vows in their beer garden. She replied, "why would we renew our vows"?